Just Because I Leave
by tarin2014tfan
Summary: Throughout his life Leo has always had Splinter to turn to when afraid. Splinter refuses to let anything, even death, stop him from protecting his son.


**Just Because I Leave**

**Disclaimer** \- I do not own TMNT or any of the characters therein. Some VERY rich dude does.  
**Rating** \- Mature (Don't like. Do not read.)  
**Story Warnings** \- Emotional distress, Character death, Swearing, Child illness, Terminal illness (Don't like these topics? Do not read.)  
**Pairings **\- None (Don't like? Do not read.)  
**Universe** \- 2003  
**Ages** \- Multi-age story : Tots in the beginning, Teens later on, Age 23 at the end.

**Chapter Credits** \- Song : Even Though I'm Leaving by Luke Combs  
**  
Song Lyrics** \- Written in **bold** print.

**Summary** \- Throughout his life Leo has always had Splinter to turn to when afraid. Splinter refuses to let anything, even death, stop him from protecting his son.

**Just Because I Leave**

Leo knew monsters didn't live under the bed. He knew they didn't hide in the closet, or behind closed doors, and the only things moving silently in the dark were ninja.

But still, every time the little turtle tot slept alone, he saw monsters, everywhere.

Thankfully, sleeping by himself didn't happen very often, but it happened more than little Leo would have liked, especially in winter.

"Master Splinter, I really don't mind sleeping in the same room as Donnie, Mikey, and Raphie."

**Daddy, I'm afraid, won't you stay a little while?**

"I know you do not, my son," Splinter laid a gentle hand on top of his small son's head. "But it would be unwise for you to sleep in the same room as your brothers for the next few days. They are ill."

"I can help you take care of them during the night," Leo insisted as he crawled into bed.

**Keep me safe 'cause there's monsters right outside.**

Splinter chuckled softly as he pulled the blankets up, tucking them snugly under his son's chin. "You have been a wonderful help to me today, Leonardo."

The tot beamed at his father's praise.

"But think, my son. How would your brothers feel if you slept in the same room with them, and later became ill yourself?"

"But I wouldn't get sick, Sensei!" Leo was so eager to argue his point he jumped up, tumbling his blankets to the floor.

Splinter patiently picked the blankets up, and tucked his son back into bed. When finished, he sat beside Leo on the bed, smiling indulgently.

"And why do you believe you would not become ill as well, Leonardo?"

This time Leo only pushed his blankets off far enough to bring his hands out. "Because I eat all my vegetables! I do all my exercise! I wash my hands," the tot counted each reason off on his fingers. "And I... umm..."

Leo realized he had run out of fingers and didn't know whether or not he should continue on, or stop.

"Yes you do, my son," Splinter chuckled softly, ending the child's dilemma. "As do your brothers." He tucked Leo into bed once again. "However some illnesses are stronger than good food, clean water, and diligent children, therefore we must take extra precaution; like sleeping in separate rooms until your brothers are well."

Splinter's whiskers tickled Leo's face when his father leaned over to kiss him goodnight.

"Goodnight, my son. I shall see you in the morning."

**Daddy, please don't go, I don't wanna be alone.**

When Splinter stood to leave, Leo began to panic. As his father walked across the room, his panic began to rise. When Splinter reached to turn off the lights, Leo's panic took control.

"Daddy! Wait!" he cried.

Hearing the terror in Leo's voice, Splinter spun around, instinctively dropping into a defensive crouch. His eyes darted around the room, frantically searching for whatever had frightened his son.

"Please, Daddy. Don't leave."  
**  
'Cause the second that you're gone they're gonna know.**

Although only a child, Leo's voice usually sounded strong, and confident. Now it sounded as small, and vulnerable as the tot himself looked huddled under his blankets.

Splinter hurried across the room, gathering his son, blankets and all, into his arms.

**Before he went to bed he grabbed my hand and said.**

"What is wrong, my son? What has frightened you?" he asked, rubbing soothing circles on the tot's small shell.

At first, Leo couldn't bring himself to say anything. He was too ashamed of being afraid. The tot clung to his father's robes, listening to the steady beat of Splinter's heat, trying not to cry.

Slowly, Leo gathered his courage. He sat up, ready to confess, and face whatever rebuke his father had to say.

"I need you to stay, Father. If you go, and leave me alone," Leo swallowed past the growing lump in his throat. "The monsters will get me.

**Just 'cause I'm leavin'**,

"There are no monsters in our home, Leonardo," Splinter said gently. "You know this."

Leo rubbed the back of his hand across his face then straightened his mask. "There's not when the lights are on, or when we're all together," he said with a quiet sniff. "But when it's all dark, and there's no one around... I see monsters everywhere."

Splinter nodded. Now he understood.

**It don't mean that I won't be right by your side.**

"Oh, my child," Splinter gave Leo a tight hug. "You believe when I leave your room, and your brothers are not here, you are truly alone?"

Leo nodded, looking at his father with wide, wet eyes.

**When you need me,**

"That is not true." Splinter once again tucked Leo into bed, but instead of turning to leave, this time he knelt down, and took his son's small hand in his. "My son, even though I am not in the room with you, it does not mean I am not here."

Leo tilted his head as he considered what his father had said. "But, Sensei, if you are with me, how come I can't see you?"

"Because you are looking with your eyes, Leonardo."

**And you can't see me in the middle of the night,**

Leo thought on that as well. "How am I supposed to see you if I don't use my eyes, Sensei?"

"You must look with your heart, my son. One's eyes can only see the physical realm, your heart sees all realms."

**Just close your eyes and say a prayer,**

Leo's eyes grew wide, and bright. "Like the realm of spirits?"

Splinter smiled. "Yes, like the realm of spirits."

**It's okay, I know you're scared when I'm not here,**

Splinter knew everything was going to be alright when Leo gave him a truly happy smile.

The smile was immediately followed by a huge yawn.

**But I'll always be right there.**

"Now you must go to sleep, my son. For tomorrow, I am certain to need help with your brothers." Splinter gave Leo one final kiss and tucked the tot's blankets in snug once again before heading across the room to turn off the light. He paused at the door. "Always remember, Leonardo, when you feel frightened, and are alone, search for me with your heart. You will find I am there, always with you."

"Hai, Sensei!" Leo snuggled down into his bed. "Goodnight!"

**Even though I'm leavin', I ain't goin' nowhere.**

"Goodnight, my son."

And for the first time ever, Leo slept peacefully the entire night, all by himself.

* * *

Leo crouched behind a stack of wooden crates hidden in the shadows at the far end of the pier. He closely watched the orange vested workers moving about the pallets, and metal containers waiting to be loaded, looking for an opportunity to board the ship moored at the dock.

The ship that would take him halfway across the world away from everything he had ever known.

Less than half of the ship's cargo assignment remained sitting on the dock. The workers were moving fast, determined to finish the job on schedule. Leo's time was growing short. He would have to make his move soon.

**Dad, we'll be late, and Uncle Sam don't like to wait.**

"My son..."

Splinter knew it as well.

Fully aware of Leo's distress, Splinter reached out to touch his son's shoulder. He hesitated, his fingers mere inches from Leo's leaf green skin, unsure if the contact would be welcomed or not. Sighing, Splinter let his hand fall to his side, hoping his son had not noticed.

Leo retrieved his travel pack from the ground by his feet. He shrugged the straps up onto his shoulders until the heaviest part of the pack sat high on his shell. He looked at his father not knowing what to say, wondering if he should say anything, or simply board the boat.

**He's got a big old plane that's gonna take me far away.**

It didn't seem right to leave without saying anything.

"I will send word when I get there, Master, to let you know I arrived safely." That was a fairly safe thing to say. Now Leo felt somewhat better.

Then the sword master remembered where he was going, and why.

"If it's allowed," he added quietly.

**I know I act tough, but there's a churnin' in my gut.**

"The Ancient One will allow it, my son," Splinter reached out again, this time taking his son's forearm in a warm grip. "He would not keep you from informing your family of your safe arrival."

Leo nodded. "No, no I guess he wouldn't," he muttered.

For several heartbeats, Leo stood silent, staring off into the night. Splinter briefly tightened his grip on his son's arm making the blue masked turtle start.

A corner of Leo's mouth twitched in an embarrassed half smile.

"Sensei..." he said at last. "When..."

**'Cause I just can't call you up when things get rough.**

Leo scowled. He hated himself for stuttering over his words, feeling it was just one more mark on his ever growing list of failures.

"I..." he tried again only to in his mind, fail again.

Splinter sighed. He did not want to interrupt Leo's train of thought; what his son had to say was most assuredly important to him. But he was also not about to send his son off on his journey feeling a renewed sense of failure.

"Speak from your heart, my son," he said gently.

Leo glanced at his father. He nodded again then looked back at the last of the cargo to be loaded. He inhaled deeply, exhaling slowly.

"Father, I know we have discussed the reasons for my going to train with the Ancient One," Leo paused momentarily. "They are good reasons." He nodded as if agreeing with himself. "I need... different training. But..." He swallowed hard trying to clear the sudden lump in his throat. "I value your advise, Sensei. I always have. I've come to depend on it. On your wisdom. And while I am there, with the Ancient One, you..."

Leo blinked rapidly several times, his eyes shining, and glassy in the light from the surrounding security lights.

"You'll be here. You... You won't be... I can't..."

**Before I left, he hugged my neck and said.**

Splinter smiled. Now he understood.

He stood on the balls of his feet, reaching up to give his much taller son a heartfelt hug.

"My son, do you remember when you were small, and afraid to sleep alone?"

**Just 'cause you're leavin',**

"Hai, Sensei," Leo muttered into the fur of his father's neck.

"Do you remember what I told you then?"

"You said you are always with me even though I cannot see you."

**It don't mean that I won't be right by your side.**

"Yes," Splinter broke the hug stepping back from his son, but kept a firm grip on Leo's hands. "Undertaking such a journey as you are about to begin is understandably distressing, and in times of great distress, one seeks that which one finds calming. However, on this journey, you will be leaving all of those things behind."

**When you need me,**

At that moment, Leo looked very much like the small turtle so afraid of the dark from so many years ago.

"Always remember, Leonardo. When you have need of me, simply close your eyes, and you will discover I am there with you."

**And you can't see me in the middle of the night.**

Splinter placed a clawed hand on Leo's plastron, directly over his son's heart.  
**  
Just close your eyes and say a prayer.**

"I am always here, my son. Even though you are leaving us here, I will always be there. I will go nowhere."

**It's okay, I know you're scared, I might be here,**

Feeling reassured, and more confident in himself, Leo stepped back, and bowed to his father.

Splinter returned the bow, and when the aged rat raised his head, his son was gone. He turned to the ship, his sharp eyes scanning from bow to stern until he saw a hump backed shadow moving along the ship's railing.

**But I'll always be right there.**

With a heavy heart, Splinter left the docks, returning to the lair.

**Even though you're leavin', I ain't goin' nowhere**

* * *

The room was dark, lit by a single candle next to the bed.

It was also quiet.

There had never been much noise inside the room. One elderly rat didn't get very loud. But now there wasn't even the noises of four other people going about their daily lives outside the room drifting in.

It was almost as if the world was holding its breath.

There were only two persons inside; the prone figure lying on the bed, and the person, head bowed as if in prayer, watching over him.

Leo raised his head as the door to Splinter's room slid open. He visibly relaxed seeing it was Donnie.

The family medic spent almost as much time in their father's room tending to the sick rat as Leo did. Donnie fully understood what was going to happen. Leo didn't have to hide anything from this brother.

Donnie paused before fully stepping inside the room. He then closed the door behind him without saying a word, and crossed the floor on ninja silent feet.

"How's he doing?" Donnie whispered, kneeling beside his brother.

Leo sighed. "Just like you figured. The rattle in his chest has gotten worse. So has the wheezing. He's too weak to drink on his own now. I have to dribble it into his mouth with the straw, slowly, or he chokes."

"Did you try sitting him up?"

Leo nodded. "Didn't help. He has no strength."

Donnie sighed. He knew what Leo was going to say, but he had hoped none-the-less.

**Daddy, I'm afraid, won't you stay a little while?**

"And he... soiled himself about half an hour ago. He's..." Leo debated on how best to voice the inevitable. "... not got long."

Donnie nodded then coughed softly. "Should I go get Mikey, and Raph?" he asked, a slight tremble in his voice. "They would want to be here."

Before Leo could answer, the door to Splinter's room opened again. Raph came in, followed closely by Mikey. Both joined Leo, and Donnie kneeling at their father's bedside.

Baby blue eyes glanced from Splinter to Donnie, and back again.

**I never thought I'd see the day I had to say goodbye.**

"He won't last the night," Donnie said, answering his baby brother's unspoken question.

"How d'ya know?" Raph's usually gruff voice was quiet, and lacked the defensive tone his question would have normally carried.

"His breathing is worsening. His muscles are going lax."

"But what..." Mikey reached out to brush his fingertips across Splinter's fever dampened forehead. "What's that mean, Donnie?"

This time Leo answered, sparing Donatello the pain.

"It means he's dying, Mikey. His body is almost gone, but his brain just hasn't figured it out yet. His mind was always stronger than his body."

Raph, and Donnie both gave Leo a look of sheer gratitude for having spared them from having to tell Mikey the truth.

Mikey let out a sudden heartrending sob.

"Do not cry, my son." All four turtles looked at their father in shocked surprise. "For this is the natural way of things."

"Sensei, you should..." Donnie stopped mid-sentence realizing how futile what he intended to say truly was.

**Daddy, please don't go, I can't do this on my own.**

Splinter wanted to reach out to his son, all his sons, to hold them as he had when they were small and needed someone bigger than them to make things better. He wanted to give them that all consuming comfort only a loving parent could give.

He tried, but all the weakened rat could manage was a slight twitch of his fingers.

Whether Donatello knew what his father wanted to do, or whether the purple banded turtle simply needed his father's touch, Splinter didn't know, nor did he care. All he cared about was that his son reached out to gently grasp his father's wrinkled hand between both of his.

"Ah, my sons," Splinter spoke in a harsh, weak whisper. "Do not grieve overmuch for me. I can no longer protect you, nor teach you. I have become a burden."

The turtles' first instinct was to deny their father's words, but Splinter's first lessons had been about honor, and keeping to the truth.

"And I shall be reunited with my Master Yoshi."

The four brothers had always known that deep down in the very heart of his soul, Splinter would first and foremost always be a simple rat who had loved his master.

"Sensei... I," Mikey drew a deep shuddering breath as he took his father's free hand in his. " I don't want you to go."

**There's no way that I can walk this road alone.**

Hearing the heartbreak in Mikey's voice, a tear slipped free, dampening the fur at the edge of Splinter's eye.

"I... I never thought this day would come," Donnie sniffed softly. "I don't know why. Maybe I had too much faith in the mutagen that changed us," he gently rubbed his thumb across the back of Splinter's wrinkled hand. "Maybe I just didn't want to face it..."

Splinter hoped his genius son felt the slight twitch of his fingers, and took it for the comforting gesture he meant it to be.

"How're we suppos'd ta do dis widout ya, Sensei?" Raph knelt with fists clenched on his knees, glaring at the floor. "How? Ya raised us. Ya taught us ta survive. Ya trained us. Yer still trainin' us." Raph lifted his head, unashamed of the dark spots staining his mask under his eyes. "We'd a died a dozen times over if not fer you, Master Splinter. We still need ya. Yer our father."

**Daddy grabbed my hand and said.**

The fur under Splinter's eyes quickly darkened to match his emerald son's mask.

Ever the dutiful father, Splinter rallied his strength, determined to give his sons the reassurances they needed. He struggled, trying to sit up in his bed amongst loudly voiced protests, and helping hands.

"My sons," Splinter spoke in a voice similar to what the four brothers had grown up hearing. "The old must pass on to make space for the young. This has always been the natural order."

"Still fuckin' sucks," Raph grumbled.

"Raphael, language." A small smile accompanied Splinter's mild rebuke.

**Just 'cause I'm leavin',**

"Although I am leaving the four of you," Splinter coughed lightly, prompting Leo to offer him a drink of water. "You will not be alone."

Splinter paused for a moment, inhaling slowly as deeply as he could. When he resumed talking, his voice was quieter, but still stronger than it had been for months.

"You have each other, my sons. Lean on one another. Depend on one another. Trust in one another. For your brothers' strengths counter your weaknesses."

"But we need YOU, Master Splinter," Mikey insisted sadly. "We need our father."

**It don't mean that I won't be right by your side.**

Splinter found the strength to give his youngest son a smile, and to lightly squeeze Mikey's fingers with his own. "You will always have me, my son."

"How do ya get dat?" Raph demanded, sounding scared, and a little angry.

Splinter sighed slowly, hoping to avoid another coughing fit that would leave him weak, and barely conscious.

**When you need me,**

"It is only my body that will cease to be, Raphael. My spirit will live on, only in a different realm."

Raph turned his head to glare at the floor again. His brothers could tell the red banded turtle wanted to scoff at his father's words, but they had all seen far too much in their lives to deny the truth of what Splinter had said.

With his remaining strength fading rapidly, Splinter turned his head just enough to see his oldest son's shadowed face as he spoke his final words.

"Change is never easy. And often wrought with fear, and uncertainty, my sons. I will leave you as you know me now, but that does not mean I will be gone."

**And you can't see me in the middle of the night,**

Splinter had the undivided attention of all his sons, but his words were directed towards Leonardo. The son Splinter knew would be stepping up to fill the empty space his passing left behind.

"When you need me, yet cannot see me. Close your eyes, and you will find me." Splinter's voice dropped off to the barest of whispers his sons had to strain to hear. "I will always be with you, my sons. I may leave you, but I will go nowhere other than here."

**Just close your eyes and say a prayer.**

Splinter gave one last rattling breath, then all was silent in the room.

* * *

Mikey stood leaning against the doorway leading into the dojo. His arms were crossed over his chest, and a sad, worried look covered his face.

It was a look the orange banded turtle had been wearing far too often of late.

He was watching his brother.

Leo was once again doing what had become the sword master's newest habit. He was kneeling in front of Splinter's shrine.

At first, Leo's brothers hadn't worried about him spending so much time at their father's shrine. It seemed a healthy way for their brother to grieve.

After all, Splinter had spent a great deal of time at the shrine he had made for his Master Yoshi, praying for guidance, and protection for their small family.

Then the brothers realized Leo wasn't praying.

There were no offerings of tea or rice laid out. There was no incense burning, no candles lit. Leo never uttered a single word. His head wasn't even bowed.

Leo wasn't doing anything except sitting there, staring off into space. He would zone out for hours on end, not eating, not training, not meditating. No one could remember the last time Leo had been outside the lair, let alone topside. Patrols had become a thing of the past.

Donnie wasn't one hundred percent sure, but he suspected big brother had went three days if not longer without showering. Raph knew for a fact Leo had stayed in there for at least two days straight without going to bed.

They didn't need a shrink to tell them THAT wasn't healthy behavior, grieving or not.

**It's okay, boy, I ain't scared.**

An intervention was planned.

Mikey didn't hear Donnie and Raph coming up behind him so much as he "felt" them. All of the turtles were near impossible to detect when in stealth mode, but having grown up together also made it near impossible to sneak up on one another.

"How long's he been in there this time?" Donnie asked.

Mikey shrugged. "Dunno, I've been standing here about fifteen minutes, and he was already in there when I got here."

Raph gave a loud, frustrated sigh, his mouth pressed into a thin, angry line.

Mikey and Donnie stayed quiet, thinking it best to give their red banded brother time to pull his emotions back under control.

Raph sighed again, this time sounding tired. "Alright, guys. Let's get dis show onna road."

**I won't be here, but I'll always be right there.**

The three entered the room, and knelt beside their brother in the same positions they had taken for the past twenty-three years.

All three were surprised to discover Leo had not just been sitting there in the dojo all this time doing nothing.

Leo had been crying.

Mikey, Raph, and Don looked at one another, confusion written all over their faces.

Donnie was the first to react taking his brother's hand in his. "Leo?"

"He lied." It was hardly more than a whisper.

Frowning, Raph looked at his two younger brother. They both shook their heads, equally lost.

"Whaddaya mean, Leo?" Raph asked. "Who lied?"

"Sensei!" Leo burst out in a heartbroken sob. "He lied to me! He lied to you! He lied to all of us!"

Mikey moved around in behind Leo. "What, bro?" he asked, hugging his brother from behind. "What'd Sensei lie about?"

"He's not here!" Leo cried. "I've looked with my eyes! I've looked with my heart! I've meditated! He's not here! He said he'd always be here! And he's not! He's gone!" Leo broke. Sobbing openly, he collapsing against his emerald brother, falling into Raph's waiting arms. "He lied to me."

**Even though I'm leavin', I ain't goin' nowhere.**

The four sat there for a time, three holding onto one. Leo cried, safe in his brothers' arms, until there were no more tears left to shed, and he fell into a fitful sleep.

"What do we do?" Donnie asked, blinking fast to keep his own unshed tears in check.

Raph looked from one brother to the next with his eyes coming to rest on the broken brother asleep in his arms. He scowled wondering when Leo had lost so much weight, and why hadn't he noticed.

"We do da best we can," he said, easily rising to his feet holding his older brother. "We lost our father. I sure as hell ain't gonna sit by an' lose a brother too. Not widout a fight."

As one the turtles exited the dojo. They were unsure exactly what they were going to do to save the oldest of them, but they were determined to figure it out, and succeed.

After they had left, and the dojo was once again empty, and silent, a soft light began to glow from behind the center door of Splinter's shrine. The light grew until it extended well past the shrine out into the middle of the room.

**I ain't goin' nowhere.**

It suddenly snapped away from the shrine like a rubber band stretched beyond its limit.

The light hung suspended in the air for several seconds before drifting back towards the shrine. It hovered over the lone picture of Splinter before shattering into a thousand pinpoints of light and fading into the frame.

The black and white image of the turtles' father blinked once, then again before turning its head in the direction of the dojo door. Tears began to drip from the photo's eyes, darkening the fur under Splinter's eyes as if real. Slowly the picture's mouth opened, and soft, whispered words drifted out into the silence of the room.

"I am here, my son. I am here."  
**  
I ain't goin' nowhere.**

* * *

Thanks for reading.


End file.
